is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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