chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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