i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
