tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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