don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Randomize
