when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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