Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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