Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Randomize
