I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Everclear isn't food dammit
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
