remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
