Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize