Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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