Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Randomize
