I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
