Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
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