I just made out with a guy for $7.
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Randomize
