I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
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