If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
These tits shall not be calmed
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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