I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
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