I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Randomize
