dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
