I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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