Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
