so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
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