Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Randomize
