After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
