I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
This baby is an asshole
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Randomize
