so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
