Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Randomize
