I swear she didn't look like that last week.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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