Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
The Olympian is in my bed
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
