Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
