I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Randomize
