I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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