haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Best friends brother. Beat that.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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