I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
