just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Randomize
