If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
