His pubic hair was longer than his dick
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Randomize
