Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
