i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
