did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
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