Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
