eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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