Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
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