my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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