sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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