We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Is this like a preordered booty call?
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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