just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
