I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Randomize
