I wish I could punch you in the face.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
She's the barista slut.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
