I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
