you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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