Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
