i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
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