i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
