I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Randomize
