He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
She's the barista slut.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
