he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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