There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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