We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize