My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
