it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Randomize
