My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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