I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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