sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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