my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
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