wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
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