listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
