he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
My vagina is very pro this idea
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
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