I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
