I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
