i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
