theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
